achems-razor's Diaryland Diary
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10-4
So, anyway, I am forcing myself to write as I almost feel physical/mental pain from this "zombie-like" block that has afflicted me as of late. Maybe the stagnation of not doing much during my days is causing it, I really am not sure. Things are really good overall and I am thankful and cannot take any second of life for granted.
From and economic standpoint, I'm in a quandary. I have witnessed my entire 20 years of hard work literally become extinct before my eyes. Maybe it is for the best as the corruption and bloodsucking creatures I "had" to associate with are gone. It had gotten so bad in mortgages that as long as you had a pulse or were able to at least sign "x", you'd be granted a loan. I am as guilty as the next one, the pickins were ripe and we all made money. What frustrates me is that I was more than an "order taker" as the loan officers of the last 5 years were. I was educated and schooled on the true facets of proper mortgage lending and financial facts and what not and now I have fallen victim to the people I despised. Someone told me that its like nuclear bomb destroyed the city and now what's left are cockroaches. This is true. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise? I would love nothing more than to change careers.
On a very positive note, I am putting together a Benefit show for Autism. It looks like it will be in early DEC. I have gotten the commitment of my former bandmates and now I'm trying to find a few other bands as well as a headliner. The idea that I will actually be playing music with the best bunch of guys again AND for a great cause it something that is happy and I am truly excited about.
I started drinking apple Cider Vinegar. I'm not sure why but I had heard of its health benefits and such so I picked up a bottle at Trader Joes last week. I googled it and there are tons of health benefits but.....the taste of it is absolutely hideous! I drink 2 Tablespoons in the am and again with dinner and it is really hard not to gag.
I miss my little ones terribly. I worry nonstop about them. I wish I had the finances to fly down to AL to see them but again, the "quandary" has affected this as well. I am trying so hard to do the right things on all fronts and the truth hurts yet I want to be able to look myself in the eye once again. Does that make any sense?
I leave you with this that I have posted previously but still believe in. Enjoy:
A Motivational Story with Wisdom -
Two Wolves
Cherokee Wisdom .
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
12:10 p.m. - 2008-10-04
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